Re:dating
I am not single anymore. I am 39 and have been happily married for near
14 years. BUT i do remember the dating years. 
I developed
psoriasis at 19. Anyway, I didn’t let the stuff interfere. I would
answer the unavoidable "is it contagious?" and then let it go from there.
I only had one man that I know didn’t ask me out a second time becuase
of the psoriasis. I decided if they couldn’t get around it then they
couldn’t get around it and were definitely NOT the man meant for me. I
was proposed to 3 times after developing psoriasis (and I have a pretty
bad case but it does stay away from my face). On breaking up with a man
he informed me that no one else would ever want me. That he was special
in being able to overlook the psoriasis. Nice try. Now my husband
is thrilled when the psoriasis is on the clearer side. He is thrilled
for himself because it is nice to hold a smoother woman <g> but is mainly
thrilled for me becuase he knows that when the lesions are gone so is
that amount of discomfort. I guess what I am trying to say here is don’t
think aobut it so much. Know that the men (or women) that can get over
it are really interested in YOU and have depth. It never interfered in
my dating life before marriage.
dinah
March 18th, 2003 at 4:30 am
Dinah;
I agree completely. Sometimes I even try and think of psoriasis as a positive
thing - to ‘weed out’ the people who
we shouldn’t even bother with in the first place. Though for me that’s easier
said than done. I have to say it
has stripped me of all confidence I’ve ever had - having thoughts like ‘why
WOULD she date someone with this
problem….’ In high school I never had a confidence problem, but this kicked
in at 22 and I’m now 27 (I know some
of you have had this problem much longer and to a more troublesome extent). To
look at me you wouldn’t know there
was a problem but it gets really tiresome being on a date trying to hide it.
Like if someone was trying to run
their fingers through my hair, I’d say something really lame like ‘I don’t like
getting my hair messed up.’ How
smooth. One girl wanted to give me a back massage, and because of a patch on my
shoulder I said I didn’t like
massages! She must have thought I was insane or gay (probably both). I know
in theory, psoriasis should not make
a difference to someone truly interested in me. I just find it difficult to
put that into practice.
Guy
March 18th, 2003 at 5:10 pm
That’s right. I was diagnosed when I was around 7, so basically, when it
comes to a social life, I never really had much of a chance. The stuff ran
rampant all the way through grade school and into high school. I didn’t
discover UVB until senior year. By then, even though I felt better about
myself, I was already outcast by my classmates for the most part. It
wasn’t like I could "pass" for normal — everyone knew and no one was old
enough to understand.
Today, at 36, I’m still unmarried and I’ve had about three first dates in
my life - never a second one. And it’s not like I come right out and say
it, either. It’s just that being forced to entertain myself all those
years I developed different habits than my peers. I found that I did not
have fun in bars, watching people drink and smoke and play mindless games.
I actually enjoy quiet evenings with a good book, or a movie. I guess
that’s not considered much of a date ;). Seems like EVERYONE in my
generation is a barfly and I can’t stand being in them.
So instead of a husband and kids, I have two cats and a really good home
entertainment system! I’m happy with things this way. Nothing personal to
any of the men on the list, but dating just doesn’t seem to be worth the
trouble. It’s too hard to trust men. The few times I’ve been out they
haven’t exactly been interested in conversation, if you get my drift, and
I’m not that kind of girl, so to speak. Every damn one wants to give me a
tongue sandwich before they even say hello. And it’s not like I’m a looker,
either. I’m really very plain, short, and plump, so I know it’s just that
they’re horny as all get out and would hump roadkill if they could.
Anyway, I didn’t do this to rant. Just thought I’d agree with guysmiley
(love that handle, btw — muppets fan?) that psoriasis makes a normal
social life very difficult in a society that really does consider looks
much more important than they like to admit.
Gail
March 19th, 2003 at 12:31 am
I feel I must contribute something to this… I’m not sure where this email will
lead though. Hold onto your hats!
First, I want to mention one incredible experience regarding dates and
psoriasis. I think one guy dated me because of it. Not because I had an icky
skin affliction, but because he admired my attitude towards it. We worked
together, so he knew me as a person/coworker before he thought of me in a
romantic manner. In the long run things didn’t work out between us, but I will
always remember when he first told me how he admired my positivity.
Second, I should forewarn you I come from a metaphysical background and I
believe that my psoriasis happens for a reason. Because of numerous horrible
experiences, I deal with a fear of men almost daily. I have noticed that when I
start dating someone, my psoriasis flares up almost acting as a barrier to any
intimacy. But, most of the guys I have been with said they didn’t really notice
it (I used to only have a dozen small patches) or they didn’t care. Recently, I
started dating someone (after almost 3 years of being alone) and as we got more
physical my anxiety heightened. It first started with him running his fingers
through my hair (he has a hair thing). I knew the patches werent too bad so I
didn’t mention it. As things progressed, I told him. I told him while we were
fully dressed, having a casual conversation. I simply said, "You know I have
psoriasis right?" I then did the details (not contagious, etc.) and told him
where the spots were (mainly around my breasts, thighs and torso). I told him
what it feels like (a cross between a sunburn and chicken pox) and then I went
into how long I have had it, etc. I think the important thing about out
conversation is how I implied that it was "no big deal"… I think that if I
freaked out and told him how much pain (emotional) it causes, it would cause him
to freak out. He seems to be ok with it. I do apply lots and lots of moisturizer
so the dry spots don’t *feel* so bad to another’s touch… they are still red
and blotchy, but he can’t see that when the lights are off. =)
March 19th, 2003 at 2:26 pm
Just need to get my 2 cents in here again……..
I really think a good idea would be for us to start a support group for (as i
can see) alot of us who are single(married) and are having problems letting
anyone close to us because of our imperfections. IT is so good to hear from
others about what i suffer from as well…….so sorry to hear yu have it but
it sure feels less lonely having somebody to relate to about it. I am in my
mid 40’s and overweight as well……but even when yu find that someone who
doesnt mind the weight (and yes there are a few out there) You have that
second strike…the dreaded psoriasis. I am on Neoral(cyclosporine) which is
my last hope ……..i have been there and done that on everything else i
think…….but keep the remedies coming in……..Neoral works but it can
effect other things for example blood pressure….cholesterol…blood
sugar….triglycerides…..which i am on meds for now….but its my last
hope……….Tapes dont do it for me …..even though there are great tapes
out there for many things……because i like who i am as a person……..its
the reaction of the others that can be so painful and i must admit……my
fear of others and their reactions …….because if you have psoriasis in
areas like…around the breasts and vaginal area and between legs and
underarms………you can take 5 showers a day and you still dont feel clean
enough……….that is major for me…….I am being painfully truthful here
and it feels good as i shed tears about it…….but that is why i feel it
important for us to get a support group going for us who go through
this………and even for the others who dont have the same circumstances but
who want to offer realistic hope and acceptance……….My best to all of
you and i hope to hear from you as well………By the way……. I live in
CT…….anybody else in the CT…Mass….New England area…….Keep in
touch……………BE WELL………….Mindy
March 20th, 2003 at 3:09 am
Nastasya;
I agree with hypnotherapy and it’s principals - a few years ago I had about 5 -
6 sessions. In one of them, she
took me into a pretty deep sleep and I just started shaking and crying like a
little kid! That was strange. I
would love to continue, it’s really a money issue. There are so many helpful
avenues to take - massage, colonics,
hypnosis, etc… it just gets expensive. Glad you are having success with your
hypnotherapy.
Guy
March 20th, 2003 at 10:26 am
Yes…..by all means this is a supportive network, but let me explain what i
meant by a support group. This group we belong to have many different
issues…..alot of which we all have experienced. I mentioned a support group
for the people dealing with the same issue of dating (and or not dating)
because of psoriasis. Its ongoing and for many of us always around us.
Sometimes so much of an issue that it comes out in either depression,
anxiety,lonliness etc…….Communicating with people who just dont feel that
they look good because of our skin condition or feel they look good but yet
cant accept anybody close to them helps with the daily grind of this
burden….. Actually focusing on the self acceptance with the same focus
being dating and letting (not fearing) someone getting close to us. This may
not be an issue of everyone here. Sort of a subdivision of this
group…….which in itself is wonderful. I have already been contacted by a
few people relating to this issue. I will get back to you because I need you
as well. Anybody who needs to open up with this tender issue…. I would be
very appreciative to hear all about you whether it be private or not. By the
way I am very much myself am a believer in complementary medicine . I hope
someday to go on a maintenance program with complementary meds as my
primary……..I know my liver will thank me as well as my blood
pressure…..cholesterol…….. etc…………Looking forward to hearing
from more of you on this issue………………Be Well, Mindy
March 20th, 2003 at 3:50 pm
People say I’m too picky, too, but I really think I’m reasonable. There
are certain things I simply will not put up with in a man and that’s never
going to change. First, I can’t stand smokers. I’m not officially
allergic to smoke, but it does bother me physically. It also seems like a
really stupid habit — anyone my age grew up KNOWING it causes cancer and a
bunch of other illnesses. I don’t tolerate stupidity very well. Second, I
will not go out with anyone who owns guns. More often than not, guns end
up hurting innocent people and they simply don’t belong in the household of
honest citizens, First Ammendment or no First Ammendment. And third, and I
would really be surprised to hear any objections on this one - no illegal
drugs! That’s my big three. Am I being unreasonable?
I’m also not pleased by tattoos or odd body piercings, but I’d at least
give them a chance. I’m not a sports fan at all, but I’d tolerate a man
who is (especially if he can tolerate my life as a Star Trek fan). I’m not
concerned about height, weight - as long as it’s not extreme, hair color,
eye color, skin color, whatever. I suppose the only other thing is a
desire to get to know someone before shoving their tongue down my throat.
I think I am asking too much…
Gail
March 20th, 2003 at 8:41 pm
<< There are so many helpful avenues to take - massage, colonics, >>
I have found massages to be painful. Does anyone know of a way to make
them more bearable? Thanks!
Carol
March 21st, 2003 at 5:49 am
First, I can’t stand smokers. I’m not officially
allergic to smoke, but it does bother me physically. It also seems like a
really stupid habit — anyone my age grew up KNOWING it causes cancer and a
bunch of other illnesses. I don’t tolerate stupidity very well. Second, I
will not go out with anyone who owns guns. More often than not, guns end
up hurting innocent people and they simply don’t belong in the household of
honest citizens, First Ammendment or no First Ammendment. And third, and I
would really be surprised to hear any objections on this one - no illegal
drugs! That’s my big three. Am I being unreasonable?
What? No guns, smokes or drugs?! So much for MY approach…….
Guy
March 22nd, 2003 at 8:40 am
Hi,
I just joined the group yesterday, seems like you all have a good rapport
going here. On the dating thing…. my sixteen year old son has large red
patches on his face, rosacea I suppose, anyway we went to a doctor and they
gave him some greasy cream which he failed to use, nor is he concerned
enough about it to use the herbal preparations I have made for him. But what
I want to mention is that it never seems to be an issue for him or the girls
that he dates, that says something for the innocence of youth. His lack of
self consciousness seems to make the problem much less visible.
Yesterday I asked about if anyone had used jewelweed for rashes, this seems
to be successful for some people I know and I would like to know if any of
you have used home remedies with any success — also I have extra soap made
of this on hand I would like to send free samples to a few people who will
try it out and report results, anyone interested?
Karen Shelton
March 22nd, 2003 at 10:25 pm
Karen,
So nice hearing from you. I am so glad for your son and that he is also
blessed with people in his life who can see through it and also not putting
boundaries around himself enabling him to live his life to the fullest. I
myself actually got psoriasis after losing a great paying job and went
through massive stress. I remember vividly how it started on my legs where my
cats used to use as a diving board. I was in my mid thirties………….I
definately would appreciate a sample of that soap as i will try it on a small
patch and see the results and report back to you on it. I really appreciate
the honest and opened sharing that has been done here…………..Everybody
sharing experiences….hopes….joys………fears………the whole
spectrum……….I am sending you my address and thanx so much for the
sharing……..we have great people on board I am finding and I feel safe
here………………My Best, Mindy
March 23rd, 2003 at 4:40 am
OK, I have two volunteers to try the soap—can send 5 more soaps out next
trip to post office, as there is a limit to the shipping I can pay; will
probably ship these Tuesday next week. Please take this offer only if you
will be willing to tell me about the results you get.
Thank you,
Karen Shelton
March 23rd, 2003 at 5:48 pm
Aha!
I tried quoting Gails email and it came out like I typed it. Maybe if I click
on those big words "QUOTE PREVIOUS
MESSAGE" at the top of my screen………
Has anyone here done any research on ‘Chelation Therapy’ as it pertains to
diseases other than heart conditions?
It’s an intravenous drip (said to be non-toxic and leaves your system in 24 hrs)
that is supposed to bind with lead,
mercury, misplaced calcium, iron, free radicals, etc, and then passed through
the urine. It’s most commonly used
for unclogging arteries and increasing blood flow to avoid bypass surgery.
What I’ve read is that people have seen
huge benefits with other diseases, as the chelation process removes many of the
impurities that cause the disease.
I’m on my 9th treatment and 20 is usually recommended. I’m just wondering if
anyone else has tried this, or knows
of someone who has. The drawbacks are expense ($100 per session, 2 per week).
No, insurance does not cover it.
Yes, I will be broke. That, and you kind of smell like burnt corn for a day
(also very helpful for the already
dating impaired - ‘uh, no baby…. I don’t smell anything’). One guy beside
me said his wife’s psoriasis totally
cleared by the 15th session, but didn’t start to see improvement until the 13th.
I’ll keep you all posted.
Nastasya-
Nice going - quit those smokes! And on occasion, the big ‘H’ never hurt
anyone, right?
Guy
March 23rd, 2003 at 11:49 pm
>What? No guns, smokes or drugs?! So much for MY approach…….
And that would be what? Offering me a doobie at gunpoint with half a pack
of lit cigs in your mouth?
Gail
March 25th, 2003 at 2:28 am
>Think about the qualities you would enjoy,
>not the ones that you want omitted.
Maybe a new approach, but it doesn’t work. I just know I wouldn’t be able
to fall in love with anyone who smokes, for example, although my sister
did, and he’s a great husband and father, but it wouldn’t have happened for
me. It’s not like I’m knocking something I haven’t tried (no, I’ve never
smoked, but I’ve gone out with guys who do), but I don’t feel like wasting
my time on a guy, no matter how hot he looks, once I find out he smokes.
It even took care of a serious crush I had on Michael J. Fox — once I
found out he chain smoked, it was over. I still agree he’s an excellent
actor, but I wouldn’t date him on a bet.
>I abhorr sports fans. That weeds out almost all
>American men.
Yes, that does narrow things down! Depends on the sport though. I’d
rather date a football fan than a wrestling or boxing fan.
Funny strange or funny ha ha?
) and I’m just fine with a hamburger and
Yes, I’ve had that two, guys will throw money around (money they don’t
have, even) trying to impress a girl. Stupidity again. I’m not thrilled
with flowers or jewelry or fur — (now, a big box of chocolates is
something else entirely!
fries, and renting a movie (although once we were an item I would expect a
crab leg dinner at least once a year). I would not be an expensive date,
for the most part.
>So I want a self confident, funny guy that I find
>physically attractive.
And what physical characteristics do you look for? I’ve found that I can’t
really say, because in movie and tv stars, for example, I’m turned on by
many different physical types — I find it’s more the character they are
playing that’s appealing. An honest, caring, loyal man. I prefer BJ
Hunnicutt over Hawkeye. On Ally McBeal, I pefer John Cage over Billy. I
adored Nicolas Cage in Con Air, but found Travolta more appealing in
Face/Off. Go figure. Then, of course, there’s David Duchovny and Dylan
McDermott, either one of which I would drop all my values for immediately ;).
Sorta. My mother was mostly like that, though I can’t understand why. The
way SHE did it wasn’t good enough either. I think what bothered me most,
though, is that she never defended me against my brother, at least not
until later years after the emotional damage was done. He picked on me
relentlessly. He was actually more of the one who could not be pleased.
He was always right. He always got straight A’s. Everything he tried, he
was good at. Whatever I enjoyed was stupid. My opinion was plain wrong.
Until he got married — that flopped major and I thoroughly enjoyed every
minute of his divorce!
I hope I don’t sound bitter. I don’t think I am. I don’t see my brother
much, and I prefer it that way. I don’t want anyone to think I’m not happy
with my life. I am. I sell on eBay, and I just had something go over $20!
Gail <– gator1701 on eBay, if anyone’s interested.
March 25th, 2003 at 9:48 am
Gail M. Eppers wrote:
Well, yeah……….. wait a sec……… you mean all those terrified looks
wasn’t because of the PSORIASIS!?
GS
March 25th, 2003 at 10:28 pm
At 10:27 AM 02/26/2000 -0500, Guy Smiley wrote:
Heck no. It was the reflection of my face in the shiny barrel of the gun ;).
Gail